Every now and then I listen, watch or read something that really pulls me back into the present moment with a considerable bump.
Perhaps because it reiterates something I’ve long known but allowed myself to forget, perhaps it shines a light onto something in a novel way or perhaps it just flat out hits me with awe. This podcast episode was one of those moments.
I know, I know … There is so much pseudo-wisdom filling our airwaves that I would forgive you for sighing at the mention of another podcast. But I promise, this one is different.
Tommy ‘Rivs’, shown smiling above is an endurance athlete, father, husband, writer … In 2021 Tommy was diagnosed with a rare form of lymphoma which nearly took his life. From reading more about him, it seems he always had a way with words but I was so deeply moved by his profound reflections on life, I felt inspired to share what I took from it.
Be present
The present moment has a tendency to get away from us. We’re regularly caught-up in what just happened, what might happen and quite often in things that are utterly unlikely to happen yet we fret about them anyway.
Spending months in a coma with tubes entering and exiting every possible orifice understandably brings into razorsharp focus a life in absence of those things. But there’s an amazing lesson we can take from Tommy’s experience:
‘This is the afterparty. This is as good as it gets. This is everything, right now’
We are living the party, right now. Everything we experience will only ever happen to us in the present moment.
So how do we party?
Thankfully, we don’t need to have brushes with death to engage in the present moment. Mindfulness can help as it gives us tools, techniques and practices to help us be more present in our day-to-day.
Test out these 3 quick exercises and see what you think:
Listen - find somewhere outside to sit, close your eyes and just listen. Sounds might be relaxing, irritating, loud, sharp, comforting … whatever your judgements are, notice it and just allow it to be there with the sound.
Look - ideally on a walk, but you can do it from a train/car/bus window too, notice how many novel things you can see. It might be a walk you do every single day but I guarantee you’ll see things you didn’t know were there. At the same time note things you’ve always known but love or like about the environment … it could be a particular tree, a funny sign, your favourite pub!
Feel - this one can be easily done at home or in nature. Pick up 3-5 things around you and just really feel them. List the textures, sensations, what emotions come up, what memories … try and avoid getting carried away by these and just come back to your object each time, really feeling it
Just like the simplicity of returning our attention to the breath, these practices aren’t complex, but they help train our attention back to the present moment. Done regularly, you can begin to notice how the past and future don’t hold such magnetism.
Feel your emotions
Life can seem much easier if we find ways of avoiding the negative emotions. Society also has a way of instilling in us a belief that anger, fear, sadness, shame, guilt, regret aren’t things we should feel … or at least shouldn’t openly talk about feeling.
But this spectrum is what makes us alive and, if we’re turning down the dial of sensation on the bad, it’s very likely we’ll be feeling less of the good too.
Tommy describes our ability to have joy and happiness as being 100% based on our capacity to see it as it’s happening.
If you struggle to know how you feel, or struggle in feeling that it’s ok to feel how you feel, try this exercise:
Let’s say we recently got our of a relationship and each time we think of that person we feel grief at the loss, so we quickly try and distract by doing or thinking something else.
The next time it happens try thinking: ‘oh damn, here comes that grief again … let’s observe it’.
As you do this, try to really pay attention to what’s happening to you physically. Likely you’ll feel sensations in your stomach or chest, your heart rate might change, you might feel hot or cold in certain areas.
Do this whilst trying to keep rhythmic and deep breathing; you can see the grief as something that is just passing through you … if you can, try and treat the experience you’re having with compassion.
You’ll notice the negative emotion passes and because you’ve allowed yourself to experience it as opposed to avoiding it and you’ll have achieved two things:
You’ve become more adept at recognising different feelings and how they impact you —> this allows you to better articulate when things start to feel either good or bad in future
By allowing ourselves time to feel, we’re empowering ourselves to decide how we react when this feeling comes along again.
As Victoria Beckner puts it; learning to skilfully feel connects us deeply to ourselves, and creates the freedom to fully engage our life and do what is meaningful.
Use the pain
‘The key is to not waste suffering … see it as a gift … see it as an opportunity for perspective on how good things were or will be’
Being an ultra-athlete, Tommy built his career on self-inflicted suffering long before getting ill, and I find, like him, many who do life in this way have a really humble and reflective view on the world.
Pain and suffering can help us in two ways:
As Tommy says, unless it ends in death, good will likely follow. Things will get better again. Pain gives us perspective.
Forcing yourself to do hard, uncomfortable, even painful things will make the rest of life seems easier. It will also build resilience for when hardship isn’t voluntary.
I’m not saying practice self-flagellation or go out and try to run an ultra-marathon tomorrow. Pain and discomfort are relative things.
Some examples of things I’ve found to work:
Push yourself physically. Go for that 90 minute vinyasa if you usually do 45, plank for 5 minutes instead of 3, sign-up for your first 5, 10, 50k race …
Do something that scares you. This could be anything from going on a date to volunteering to give a presentation at work to taking that first step to put your business out in the social ether.
Get cold. Cold exposure has exploded in recent years thanks to Wim Hof and has received significant scientific backing as to it’s benefits. Whether cold showers, ice baths, wintery sea dips … it’s far from pleasant to the uninitiated, and can even force a grimace onto the face of seasoned pros.
Give something up. We live in a world of instant gratification. Whether it’s nicotine, alcohol, social media or Deliveroo, our desires for caffeine or content can be satiated almost immediately. I’d urge you to try a period without one you use regularly, it will likely be both unpleasant and very interesting. To help get the most out of it, try:
Having an accountability buddy - either someone who does it with you or who can be supportive and check-in on your progress
Keeping a journal - you’ll be surprised looking back and seeing how you felt resisting the urge, or being in familiar situations without that thing
Replace it with something more positive - I recently gave up drinking and bought myself a monthly subscription for the value I’d usually spend on alcohol.
Have therapy. I say with 99% certainty, engaging in therapy is inevitably going to bring up some things that hurt. But if unattended to, the demons of our mind lift weights (as Travis would say), so better shine a light in there now vs. later!
… and if all the above doesn’t work for you, well there’s always finger tatts:
I hope this has either been useful or inspired you to listen to Tommy’s story (or both). If you want to watch the episode do so here or listen here - thanks!